5 Things That Are Actually Just Scams

Arrested Development
Arrested Development

1. Spa Treatments

Ear candling is not a real thing. The wax you’re seeing in that cone is melting from within the candle. Expensive facemasks are generally stuff that you could either find in your own kitchen or drug store or they’re filled with products that won’t actually make it into your skin because of it’s semi-permeability. Cucumbers don’t reduce swelling. Detoxing is not a thing you need to buy – it’s what your liver and kidneys already do for you. (Ask your spa attendant to name a single toxin. They can’t.) You don’t need to pay to get your hair dyed brown, it’s really not that complicated. The deep conditioning treatment from CVS is the same one they’ll use at the spa. Baths and exfoliation treatments are also exactly the same in your apartment. I know they use lavender oil and tell you that you look amazing but you can also do both of those things for yourself. Stop blowing your money on things that don’t work.

2. Cell Phones Agreements

Buy your phone outright and hook it up to the cheapest carrier you get coverage for. Stop signing insane contracts with horrible and massive corporations. Yes, you get the phone for “free” and you’re “saving $100″ on the family plan, but don’t worry: because you’re contractually obligated to pay that phone off over time or be liable for a cancellation fee you’ll still be paying the exact same amount, if not many times more. Just buy the phone unlocked and get a $40/month unlimited plan. You’re welcome.

3. Retail Sales

Let me just open by telling you what you already know: The house always wins. Companies are not in the business of losing money. They know how to control you. The semi-annual-limited-time-Victoria-Secret-one-day-only-sale happens several times a month because that’s the only time when anyone buys anything. They, much like Amazon, trick you into thinking you’re saving a ton of money by crossing out a ridiculous price and writing a slightly lower one under it. Things are only worth what you’re willing to pay. Stop being fooled into buying $100 t-shirts because they were buy one, get one 50% off. You’re still spending $150 on t-shirts like some kind of Kardashian-West idiot.

4. The Lottery

You are the rule and not the exception. You are more likely to be hit by lightening twice in one year than you are to win the lottery. Instead, take those couple of dollars you’d spend after work and put them in a jar. At the end of the year call yourself a lottery winner and go buy a new TV with it. (Bonus tip: Watch Lucky and Millions: A Lottery Story to see how truly miserable everyone who wins the lottery actually is. Spoiler alert: it’s very.)

5. Cable TV

It is insane that we have to pay for all these channels we don’t watch. I watch 8 of the 250 channels offered and I’m at the higher end of the bunch. Just get Hulu+, Netflix, Amazon Prime, and pay your parents the $10/month for their HBO log in. You’ll save hundreds of dollars a year and turn the screws on Time Warner and Comcast’s stupid monopoly. Cut the cord, already! TC mark



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